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The first time I saw Gioncarlo Valentine, what I felt was jealousy. It was in a photograph, a nearly nude self-portrait, showing Valentine spread out on a bed. What shocked me was not simply how Valentine must have conquered a fear by appearing naked and comfortable in that bed; it was how the image seemed to capture the expansive contours of our fears—the shared fears of black men—in a photo that was uniquely and absolutely him.
Women have spent centuries under the male gaze. Men, less so. Sun 16 Feb T he male gaze can be harshest when directed at the self. Until puberty, I was blissfully unaware of my own body, aside from the odd graze or bee sting. But then, at the age of 11 or 12, my body became a contested space. In the steaming showers after PE, I compared myself unfavourably to others, both my classmates and what I saw in the wider culture. Yet watching the video again as I write this essay on how to explore the buffeted nature of modern masculinity against the physicality of the male body itself, I can easily recall that awkward, resentful twinge. For the past quarter-century or so, my life staring at men has been a complicated experience — a signal to arousal, yes, but also to fright and flight; to self-loathing at my own physical inadequacy.